No more tears? Why do I feel so guilty?


Barry Clermont

I’m guessing that I’m not the only parent in the world who has lost a child.  I’ll also bet that I’m not the only one that felt some guilt on that day when there were no more tears.

How come I have no more tears?

In the first year after my son died, the simplest things could bring tears to my eyes.

  • A visit to the Police Museum (He had almost graduated university for policing)
  • Passing the funeral home or cemetary.
  • A starry night.
  • Visiting with his daughter.

Any number of things could be a trigger.

Almost three years later, there are very few triggers any more.  Sure, some of the triggers leave a longing, but no more tears.  At least not very often.  I believe this is a sign that we are moving through the normal stages of grief.

Stages of grief.

There are three main stages of grief.

  • denial
  • anger
  • acceptance

When we were in denial, the tears were born of frustration.  Intense anger also brings tears.  When we reach the stage of acceptance, the tears start to dry up.  This is the time of new beginnings.  It’s OK that there are no more tears.  This means we are finally starting to heal.

Moving on.

You never get over losing a child.  EVER.  However, there comes a time to heal and start moving forward again.

One day, you find that something like the anniversary of your child’s death passes and there are no more tears.  The first time it happens, there is a feeling of guilt when you realize you don’t feel the need to cry.  It’s OK!  Really.  This is just a sign that the wound is healing.  There will always be a scar, you’ll never forget your child.

Your child would never want you to stop living.  Life will never be the same without them.  Honour your child by creating a new beginning.  The loss of a child becomes a part of who you are.  What will you do with that experience?  It’s up to you.

No more tears.  At least not in public, unless they are happy tears as you move on with your life and you use your experience to create a new life going forward.

Make it a great day!


P.S.  What am I thankful for today?  I’m thankful I was blessed with a great family.  I’m thankful God gave me 20 years with my son.  I’m thankful for new beginnings.

What are you thankful for today?