Who Am I?

Who am I becomes incredibly important when we are having “one of those days”. Do you know the difference between your role at any given time and “who am I”?

Who am I

Barry ClermontWho am I: “I” is who you are at your very basic core. Your core values and how those drive your interaction with the world around you at any given time. For example, I grew up in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada and came from a lower/middle class family. (Ssh! My siblings may not agree with that description!) Hamilton in the 60’s and 70’s was very much a manufacturing town. People in a community like that tend to be very down to earth and not really focused on amassing great wealth or impressing others with their brilliance. Don’t get me wrong, these people were a lot smarter than many people with doctorates that I have come into contact throughout my life.

As a result, I don’t consider myself any better than anyone else and actually sometimes struggle with being in a formal leadership position. This leads me to the difference between my “I” and my role or “R”.

Role

Our role changes at any given time, often many times within a single day! You may find yourself in the role of:

  1. Significant Other (Whatever that means for you!)
  2. Mother/Father
  3. Daughter/Son
  4. Student
  5. Leader or Manager

When you think about it, you could be all five. And, sometimes one or more may really suck!

MasksHave you ever had a day when either you disappointed someone or they didn’t live up to an expectation? In my experience, this could lead to either being frustrated because I lacked a skill or missed that I didn’t give the other person the tools they needed to meet my expectation. Ultimately, disappointed myself and ended up feeling angry or sad and feeling that I was a bad person or did something wrong. There is likelihood I was correct but it made me feel bad about myself.

Wrong! Don’t do that!!!

Understanding I/R Theory

It’s OK to be mad/sad/disappointed;

  • in how you delivered or didn’t on a promise; or
  • in how a project turned out; or
  • in a decision you made.

Barry the boomer!If I were to ask you out of 1-10 “how is your I today?”, the answer should always be a 10. This is how you see yourself as a person. Be careful not to confuse that with the role you are in at the time. Maybe as a father, you had to say no to a child and it made them sad or mad, or your wife or an employee. Sure, you feel lousy about having to say no and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Maybe even quite the opposite because that was the right answer for the circumstance. The problem is simply something is wrong with or in the role. And it may be that you have done something to violate a core value meaning you need to make a change in that role. When a project or job isn’t working, you can end it and walk away if you need to.

If you are constantly violating core principals, that affects the I. You have changed and when it’s for the worse, can destroy you. That needs to be fixed fast! If your employer is making you do something illegal or immoral, you may need to change employers. Maybe even a spouse. Do what you have to do to protect your “I”.

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Make it a great day!

Barry

P.S. What am I thankful for today? I’m thankful for positive people, great leaders and my family. What are you thankful for today?

 

Can’t or Won’t? Which is it really?

How often does somebody tell you that something can’t be done only to find out that the impossible was quite possible? There are very few things that can’t be done. In most cases, it’s just difficult and requires creative thinking and some extra effort.

We can’t…

Someone asked me about creating a survey that is not as drab and as boring as is most common. They wanted to create something more engaging. There were a few concerns. Attractive design, security and standards.

Where would the servers be? This is because of privacy issues and international law with regard to access. Stakeholders might have a concern because they  or their families may be at risk if someone were able to identify them. As North Americans we often take our life and liberty for granted.

Man giving thumbs down.We were told we can’t do what we want to do. There is a guideline on what sites should look like and it must be AODA compliant. My opinion is that what this really means is that it’s not as simple as hoped and could take some time and effort.

I suggested doing the engagement piece through a landing page which would provide some flexibility in presentation and make it more inviting to complete the survey. By doing this, the survey itself becomes quick and simple.

Everyone we asked was so focused on current policy and guidelines they don’t see the opportunity in front of them to actually make changes to facilitate true collaboration and communication. They are so focused on telling that they aren’t listening.

Or, we won’t…

Won’t do something is what most identify as can’t. For example, your family tells you there is no way to be successful in network or online marketing. In other words, you can’t be successful. You accept what they tell you and don’t make any changes in how you think or what you do. In the end you prove them right. You can’t because you won’t.

This is like the age old question about the chicken and the egg. Which came first? In the case of can’t or won’t, if you won’t then you can’t. If you will, you can!

Will You or Won’t You?

Whether you will or won’t change attitudes and behaviors determines whether you can or can’t achieve something new. The question is who will make the decision?

3D-Women-Question-02An open mind is like a parachute, if it’s closed, it won’t work. Just because someone won’t open their mind to opportunity and possibility doesn’t mean you have to crash with them. Don’t be like lemmings and follow the leader off the cliff.

Be the leader. Look and think for yourself,  release the self imposed constraints and watch how different the outcome can be!

Make it a great day,

Barry

P.S. What am I thankful for today? I’m thankful for open minds. I’m thankful for opportunities to effect change. I’m thankful for the power of the Internet. What are you thankful for today?

Be the positive energy in the room!

Stop Worshiping MLM Leaders

We need to stop worshiping MLM leaders so that they can be more effective. Have you ever been a leader and felt some days like you just wish you could hide because of the pressure that the expectations of others creates for you? We are designed to worship but not to be worshiped.

Carey Nieuwhof from Connexus Church does a great job of drawing on references from the bible and making connections to every day people. You and me. You really need to watch Week 4 of that series on being overwhelmed.

What do I mean “worshipping MLM leaders”?

man-flyingI have been to many events where they have invited people from within the industry and put them at the front of the room to perform. Master of Ceremonies (MC) will introduce the speaker with such deference that you might think it was God Himself coming onto the stage.

Imagine the pressure that puts on leadership! Everyone has expectations of perfection. Over time, you often see these people become very narcissistic and lose track of their own identity. Eventually, people start to lose respect for them. If the leader is lucky enough, he or she will realize what is happening and return to their roots. I believe that is why many of them become more spiritual as they regain their identities.

Respect, not worship.

We instinctively look to worship. The MC is only reacting to that natural instinct and because he or she has great faith in the business and speaker, they use language that reflects their commitment to their cause. The challenge is to ensure that it doesn’t become devotional and lead to worshiping people, money or possessions. Don’t get me wrong, realistic goals are great and relative to where you are at any given time. Worship is destructive to the idol and to you in the end.

3D-Women-Shake-Hand-01By all means, respect the person and their achievements. Learn from them and thank them for sharing their knowledge. Keep in mind they are human just like you and me. Maybe offer the take them to dinner to thank them for their time but don’t worship them. It’s a long fall off a pedestal. Do you want to be part of the problem that leads to their fall from grace?

Love and appreciate them and that will leave them free to do the same for themselves and others without being destroyed.

Whether you are spiritual or not, I highly recommend watching the complete series of “Overwhelmed“. There is so much insight that applies to business and life in general.

Make it a great day,

Barry

P.S. What am I thankful for today? I’m thankful for my faith. I’m thankful God finds people like Carey Nieuwhof to deliver messages in a way we can understand. I’m thankful for the Internet!

What are you thankful for today?

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Leadership and Lollipops

What on earth does leadership have to do with lollipops?  Watch the video at the end of this blog by Drew Dudley.  He talks about a special moment when he had shown leadership and actually been totally unaware.  It’s what he calls lollipop moments.

LEADERSHIP

CoachesLeadership isn’t great moments when you achieve some grand goal like growing your network marketing team and reaching executive levels.  Your leadership started long before that when you were doing the little things.  

You may find yourself managing or coaching a soccer team and being that person one of the team can talk to when they are upset or don’t understand something.  You may be that person who gets involved in a community activity and helps to run an event or just provides support to others.  It’s all leadership.

An example of a lollipop moment is when you help someone in a way that affects them the rest of their life and you never even knew it happened.  One of those kids you were coaching may come to you years later and quote something you said to them that they felt was very profound but you actually forgot ever saying it.  You didn’t necessarily have a title but you showed leadership in meeting the needs of someone else without expecting anything in return.

I would recommend reading Robin Sharma’s “The Leader Who Had No Title”.  He does an amazing job of driving home how unimportant a title is.  They are usually just a reflection of productivity or achievement.  That’s not the same as leadership.

LOLLIPOPS

lollipopLollipops are a sweet yet simple treat that often goes unnoticed.  A lollipop moment is much like that.  A time when you do something without thinking.  To the recipient of your attention, it’s a sweet moment that they may well treasure the rest of their life and yet it was something so simple that you forgot it ever happened.  That’s a lollipop moment.   Again, watch the video below by Drew Dudley where he does a great job of explaining one of his lollipop moments.

ARE YOU A LEADER?

What are some great examples of leaders?

  • Parents
  • Coaches
  • Teachers
  • Friends
  • Co-workers

10-28-2010 08;47;20PM_1And the list could go on.  Parents are the role models for their children.  The same goes for teachers and coaches.  You are still a leader to those children and young adults when they grow up.  The same for friends and co-workers.

Some of these people will come and go from your life just as you will from theirs.  When you are away from these people, what will they remember?  They will remember all of the little things like just listening when they needed to have a good cry or maybe reminding them that they are a good person when they are having a black day.

How you handle the little every day things and people in life determine whether or not you are a true leader.  Don’t underestimate your power.  It would be such a waste if you never realized you had it and never put your power and leadership skills to good use.

Leadership and lollipops.  Such a simple way to remember how great you really are.

Are you afraid of the dark or are you afraid of your own light?

Make it a great day,

Barry

P.S.  What am I thankful for today?  I’m thankful for TED Talks.  I’m thankful for the time you took to read this blog.  I’m thankful for any time my words may be able to help someone else brighten their day.

What are you thankful for today?

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Ten Mistakes Transformational Leaders Make

SteveDenning

 

The Ten Mistakes Transformational Leaders Make is from Stephen Denning’s “The Secret Language of Leadership”.  He uses Al Gore’s experience to demonstrate.  I highly recommend getting this book if you ever hope to influence people.

 

 

The Ten Mistakes Transformational Leaders Make are:

  1. Having unclear and uninspiring goals.
  2. Lacking total commitment for change.
  3. Incongruent body language.
  4. Misreading your audience.
  5. Lacking narrative intelligence.
  6. Not telling the truth.
  7. Misdirecting attention.
  8. Inability to elicit desire for change.
  9. Not having the right reasons.
  10. Not encouraging and maintaining conversation.

If you are not clear on your own goals, how can I make a decision to follow you.  I have no idea where to expect to end up.  When you keep throwing different ideas out there, you keep leading me in different directions and I just get lost.  Now I don’t understand what message you are trying to deliver, what you believe in or what you are asking of me.

The majority of us make decisions based on “gut instinct” or “feelings.  You can try to feed me all the reasons you want but if you want my help, touch my heart and get my attention first.

Man-Explain-With-Friends-03Once you have my attention, it’s important to make sure I feel heard and that my opinion is valued.  Don’t kiss and run, I want to cuddle for a while.  Talk to me and let me know you are listening.  That’s the most important component in a conversation.  Reflective listening.

I hate to use the old cliche stuff but once again, it’s like dating.  Let me get to know, like and trust you.  Then, and only then, I may be willing to consider adopting your ideas.

 

Now that we have built a relationship, don’t EVER lie to me.  There is an old saying that there is honour among thieves.  That’s very true but thieves won’t trust a liar.

Take the time to learn how to communicate in ways that will allow people to hear your message.  I highly recommend The Secret Language of Leadership.

Make it a great day,

Barry

P.S.  What am I thankful for today?  I’m thankful for authors like Stephen Denning.  I’m thankful for powerful speakers like Simon Sinek.  I’m thankful opportunities for people to change my mind!

What are you thankful for today?

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