7 Thanksgiving Mishaps That Will Make Your Turkey Time Look Good
While Thanksgiving is often touted as a bright, warm time full of family, food, and friendship, not everyone has an Instagram-perfect holiday. To give you that extra bit of Turkey Day ego boost (or schadenfreude), here are 7 Thanksgiving mishaps that we think rank up there as some of the all-time biggest turkeys:
The Bloomberg Family Had a Crappy Thanksgiving — Literally Georgiana Bloomberg, daughter of former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, explained her family’s less-than-ideal Thanksgiving, at the Humane Society’s gala Friday. Bloomberg recounted her first Thanksgiving with her 10-year-old adopted Chihuahua, at the New York City Animal Care & Control center. “For Thanksgiving, she got to come to Gracie Mansion,” NYMagreports Bloomberg said. “And she proceeded to have explosive diarrhea all over the front hall of Gracie Mansion. And we always joke it was her way of thanking the city for deeming her unadoptable.”
Thief Takes Turkey
A Connecticut man was on his way to a friend’s house on Thanksgiving 2013, turkey and stuffing in-hand, when he got held up at gunpoint, a local Fox affiliate reported. Not only did the thief take Jimmy Mulligan’s wallet, but he took the turkey and fixings to boot. After police officers learned that the 911 call was not, in fact, a joke, they felt so bad that they bought Mulligan two Thanksgiving dinners from Boston Market.
Turkey Takes Down Thief
In 2008, a North Carolina carjacker was served his Thanksgiving turkey early. The Sunday before Thanksgiving, bystanders witnessed a man trying to steal a woman’s keys outside of a grocery store. When he started attacking his resistant victim, onlookers decided to take action and started hitting the thief over the head with a frozen Thanksgiving turkey. WRAL News reported that police later arrested the carjacker.
That’s a Big Carving Knife
Police told NJ.com that a Montclair man was arrested after threatening a group of people, who had “excluded” him from their Thanksgiving festivities, with a machete. He was arrested and no one was injured.
Speaking of Utensils…
Thanksgiving dinner conversations can get heated, but a Maryland woman might have taken the pie in 2012 when an argument ended by her stabbing her half-brother with a serving fork. He was taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and she was arrested for first-degree assault.
Of course, one of the most common holiday disasters is house fires. According to the American Red Cross, cooking-related infernos occur twice as often on Thanksgiving than on any other day.
Deep Fried Disaster
On that note, here’s someone who almost lit himself on fire when he tried to deep fry his Thanksgiving Day turkey:
YouTube Stars Destroy Things You Hate in New Web Series SmashUp
If your id had a Web series, SmashUp would be it. The YouTube show, created by Astronauts Wanted, will feature Vine and YouTube stars smashing things to smithereens. The items to be demolished will be crowdsourced via Twitter, where viewers can suggest their most detested objects with the hashtag #SmashUp.
Scotty Sire, The Gabbie Show, Vincent Cyr and Kaitlin Witcher — whose names will only mean something to you if you follow social media celebrities — will star in the series, channeling their inner vandals to destroy such divisive items as Crocs and a Furby. Presumably, the objects they destroy will be physical, although smashing up intangible concepts (intolerance, the wage gap) would be even more impressive.
It’s unlikely to hold viewers’ attention for very long, assuming the smashing of objects won’t be connected by any kind of narrative thread. But a vicarious bout of wreaking rageful havoc, without actually destroying any of your possessions, could be a nice way to unwind from a stressful day.
No, Budweiser Isn’t Ditching Its Tear-Jerker Clydesdales Ads for ‘Jay Z and Zombies’
What’s the only thing that will make you cry harder than Budweiser’s tear-jerker “Puppy Love” ad, in which a golden retriever and a Clydesdale form an interspecies friendship, set to a bittersweet Fleetwood Mac song? Reports that the beer titan is ditching its heartwarming Clydesdale campaign for Jay-Z, zombies, and other millennial-grabbing ephemera.
Luckily for you nostalgia lovers, that is actually not the case.
“Let me be clear,” Budweiser VP Brian Perkins said in a statement emailed to TIME. “Straight from the horse’s mouth: The Budweiser Clydesdales are here to stay and will continue to play a central role in our campaigns, including holidays and Super Bowl.”
Budweiser sent TIME its new holiday ad, which melds millennials and Clydesdales, which can be viewed above.
This isn’t just good news/a> for puppy lovers. It benefits Budweiser, as well.
Co-founder and chief operating officer of Unruly Media, Sarah Wood, told TIME that when it comes to driving sharing and brand metrics, “It’s the strength of emotional connection, and the goal for all savvy advertisers in 2015 should be valuable virality.”
But if millennials aren’t drinking Budweiser, does the fact that the ads get shared even matter?
Let’s look at it this way. According to an 2014 Unruly report analyzing Super Bowl ad statistics, not only didn’t ads with celebrities drive online sharing, but they also didn’t provide for brand recall.
You might remember that Ben Kingsley was in a Super Bowl spot, but do you remember that he was selling a Jaguar? Chrysler might have made a beautiful ad starring Bob Dylan, but according to Unruly, only 7% of people who watched the ad realized that it was for Chrysler.
Budweiser’s Clydesdales, on the other hand, boasted 89% consumer recall.
“We are excited to see exactly how much the Clydesdales can still touch the hearts and minds of our passionate fan base,” Budweiser’s Perkins says. “There have never been any plans to remove our beloved Budweiser Clydesdales from our brand identity. In fact, we can confirm they will return to the Super Bowl in 2015.”
Of course, if Budweiser wanted to have Jay-Z and Beyoncé come in riding the Clydesdales in an upcoming tear-jerker Super Bowl ad, we won’t complain.
Nick Offerman Stars in Decemberists’ Heartbreaking New Music Video
We know Nick Offerman best as a man’s man, a man of few words whose stoicism rarely betrays the emotions within. And that’s why the times when he does express an ounce of sadness or regret cut a little bit deeper. In this video for the Decemberists’ “Make You Better,” Offerman gets laughs as a fumbling German talk show host interviewing lead singer Colin Meloy. But it’s his portrayal of longing and insecurity that makes the performance memorable.
Though he’s all moustache and bravado on the outside, Offerman’s character faces that familiar pain of unrequited love, and a nerve too weak to proclaim it. As he struggles to find the right words, the Decemberists play a song of need and regret to match the shape of his wound. The premise is funny, but the execution, a little bit heartbreaking.
“Make You Better” appears on the forthcoming album What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World, which drops on Jan. 20.
This time around, though, the interview with Aniston doesn’t go nearly as smoothly. In fact, it’s awkward and uncomfortable and Aniston seems downright offended as Stark asks her seemingly harmless questions about her character and her dating habits.
Unbeknownst to Stark, though, Aniston is working with Scott Mills, one of his BBC Radio 1 coworkers, to pull a prank on the young reporter. It works perhaps too well.
Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow Curse Each Other Out on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
There was a mini-Friends reunion on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, but no one was very friendly.
Former Friends co-stars Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow were both guests on Kimmel’s show as Aniston was making the rounds to promote her new film Horrible Bosses 2 and Kudrow was celebrating her comeback on The Comeback.
However instead of a joyful reunion between former cast mates, Kimmel pitted them against each other in a vicious war of words called “Celebrity Curse Off.” Each actress was given five seconds to come up with a jaw-dropping vulgarity until one of the women failed to deliver a fittingly shocking return volley.
If you can read between the beeps — and Aniston went Greek at one point – it’s an X-rated foray into diabolical language, with Kudrow getting a boost thanks to her teenaged son’s vocabulary.
Watch: George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush Caught on Kiss Cam
Former President George H.W. Bush and his wife, Barbara Bush, were watching the Houston Texans play the Cincinnati Bengals when they were called out on the Kiss Cam. No one—not even a former president—can escape from the Kiss Cam, so America #8217;s former first family knew that while they weren’t on the football field, they still had to play ball.
Once they realized they were on camera, the Bushes fulfilled their responsibility and shared a kiss.
It’s not the first time a former president has been featured on that Kiss Cam. Last year, George W. Bush and his wife, Laura, appeared on it as well.
Watch Woody Harrelson Figure Out Liam and Chris Hemsworth Are Brothers
When Woody Harrelson hosted Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago, his opening monologue made it clear he has smoked a lot of marijuana in his day. He even had to recruit his young The Hunger Games costars to help him remember the year 1989, due to his hazy memory. (He also mistook Jennifer Lawrence for Taylor Swift, but he was probably joking.)
Keep that in mind when you watch this video, recently unearthed by Vulture, of Harrelson coming to the realization that his The Hunger Games co-star Liam Hemsworth is the brother of Thor star and current Sexiest Man Alive, Chris Hemsworth. This happened just last year — a full three years after Harrelson and Hemsworth started working together on The Hunger Games movies. Apparently the last name and similar good looks weren’t enough to tip him off to this fact and he only made the connection while on the press circuit last year for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.
Watch the Sexist PlayStation Ad Sony Quickly Pulled From YouTube
Sony quickly and quietly pulled a PlayStation ad from its European YouTube account this weekend that bears a greater resemblance to soft-core porn than it does to a commercial for a piece of hardware.
“I know you’ve already done it today, and I bet you really enjoyed yourself, ” a sexy female British doctor coos, shortly prior to climbing on top of her office desk — you know, like serious doctors often do. “How many times did you do it yesterday? Are you afraid you’re doing it too often? In your bedroom under the blankets? Or perhaps you prefer the kitchen or the toilet? Or do you like it in the garden?”
The innuendo-laden ad is for a Remote Play feature rather than, well, you get the idea. While the world is used to blatantly sexist ads at this point, the Sony one is particularly depressing. And that is because, as the Vergeputs it, “Sony might be trying to do a halfway good thing here.”
The ad ends with the revelation that the sexy doctor parody is actually a gamer, too. “You can even join me,” she says with a wink before pulling out her own gaming device.
But is the way to show that women also like to play video games to treat them as a sexualized fantasy for teenage boys?
While the ad is no longer on Sony’s official account, other YouTubers, however, have posted it.
Although Sony didn’t immediately respond to TIME’s request for comment, the ad does fall in line with past campaigns reportedly from 2012:
This Is What Happens to Your Body When You Overeat
In the days leading up to Thanksgiving, the American Chemical Society’s YouTube channel “Reactions” has boiled down the science of stuffing your face in a two-and-a-half-minute video. It explains how signals in the brain tell us when we are feeling full or when it is time to stop eating, as well as how antacids reduce the physical discomfort. Might be fodder for conversation after dinner when everyone is sitting around, running out of things to talk about and on the verge of slipping into a food coma.
By making good on that one incredibly unlikely catch, Beckham scored a touchdown, cemented his reputation as a go-to receiver, earned a spot in NFL highlight reels and, naturally, became an Internet meme.
Here’s the Nelly-Bee Gees Mashup You Never Asked For But Can’t Stop Listening To
There are many mysteries about the Internet: Who created Bitcoin? Will we ever figure out the secret behind black holes? What’s with the Markovian Parallax Denigrate? One other mystery that no one seems to be able to crack? What makes a video go viral?
Take for example this mashup of Nelly’s “Getting Hot in Here” with The Bee Gee’s Saturday Night Fever classic, “Stayin’ Alive.” The video, appropriately called “Stayin’ Hot,” was created in 2011 by LobsterMashups and while the Internet usually revolves on a steady diet of the latest and greatest, yesterday the mashup sat on Reddit’s front page all day and is still near the top today, even though the video is so three years ago.
If we’re engaging in Internet archaeology, check out this video mashing up the same track from The Bee Gees with AC/DC’s “Back in Black.”
Watch Fred Armisen Master 10 Different New York Accents
New York City’s residents speak as many as 800 languages, but they also speak English in almost as many accents. Or if not quite as many, every neighborhood, at least, boasts its own nuanced version of the New York accent. And Fred Armisen, master of impressions, has mastered them all.
At a fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders, the Saturday Night Live alumnus performed impressions of different New York accents based on audience suggestions, tackling the West Village, Astoria and the Bronx, among others. He also took an anthropological perspective on the accents’ origins. Upper West Siders, for example, are “more appreciative of the things that are around New York,” whereas residents of the Rockaways are “trying to prove something.”
He took his biggest jab at the corner of New York where he himself was raised: Long Island. “They’re trying to prove that they’re not dumb,” he stutters, making ample use of arm gestures. “They’re already being defensive about being made fun of.” And just like that, Armisen reveals the genesis of his career as a comedian: a childhood marked by Long Island-induced insecurity.